Accountability

Accountability
I hate

not you, exactly,

more your inability to accurately reflect

me.

I feel

more deeply and with more sincerity

than what?

I wonder,

why all my sentences begin with

I.

Lashing out, I take from you

on every level,

so that you may experience

The continual torture which is

Loving you

unrequitedly.

Over years you've taken

many forms,

sometimes you've even met yourself.

This latest apparition,

Perhaps the most disturbing

given strength of will

this face wavers only in importance.

but in most importance,

feign ignorance.

When did I decide

living illusion less

painful

than creating comparable reality?

Eventually, no matter how platinum,

the illusions fail

Alls left without foundation.

alone, if only.

To many, it may seem

odd,

To hold myself apart

to keep myself together.

Cyclical withdrawals accompany you

confusion

Of course, nothing wrong,

why withdrawal?

I own you on levels I don't even realize,

pulsing synergy of

two souls completely comfortable

Why isn't that enough?

I wish it was.

the secret.

Boundless enthusiasm

guards voluntarily dismissed who perhaps

should have been left in place

Does it qualify,

as an over-share if

you don't actually

share anything?

Wonder now,

how much of you is real?

So much easier, when

taken at face value,

the face falls

Left with scalding

force of ineptitude.

But you.

already so close to reality,

frequently lulled

by possibilities just

out of grasp.

Never thought to wish

for things to stay the way

they were in the beginning

A passing flame,

Brilliant light, but unable to

burn forever.

Who pushed past?

you, or me?

Logic says you.

I,

in all honesty

am too emotional to maintain.

While truth you stray,

you also linger

although sometimes where you shouldn't

and often where you can't

Finding choices in unexpected places

and unexpected choices in

difficult places.

Unquestionable loyalty traded for

?

Lenity

Lenity

Journey through the whirlwind

alone

yet surrounded perpetually by those who

Feel

Shifting seamlessly from contentment to abandonment

so completely

I wonder if the former was a memory

or a dream

or a figment

of an over-under-asunder imagination

surrendering to an idea

a conception.

But then, shift again

and I remember

and its ok.

Is it remembering?

or forgetting?

Forgetting that once, the cavern opened

and I swallowed myself, only to be…

To be

I am.

Sometimes, the undertones of our conversations

outshine the morning sun

So many things we do, but don't,

say,

I wonder what we are.

more afraid of,

eachother?

or ourselves?

We speak in half sentences

from the outside,

would seem the closest of compatriots.

Is this true?

I fear too much our love

lost in translation.

So I keep distance,

feign indifference,

and occupy my time

with unsuitable companions.

How was I to discern, you knew?

every glimmer,

every glance

So full of meaning

Nothing ever what it was.

You knew.

You bastard.

Time wasted.

Walls not breached for insecurities.

Mine, painfully clear

Rapid waters frequently pulling

beneath.

Yours, deeply rooted

So thick, to move is to peril becoming

lost.

Yet still, you ground me,

And,

I move you.

The question becomes,

is that enough?